McCleery's Manchester United Zone; Derek "Mad Dog" McMonkey

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Contact: mccleery@manutdzone.com

WHO NEEDS STAM OR BLANC?

Hello McCleery's Manchester United Zone

Enough is enough, why is Fergie ignoring United greatest defensive asset? I'm talking about the great David May. Davy May? The man is a simply a collosous. Sure he only plays once a season but thats becasue he's never fit. Why is he never fit? Because he only plays once a season - you see? Get him out there I say and watch that defence tighten up like a gnats chuff.

Yours sincerely
Mulligan O'Mulligan
Falkland Islands

McCleery Reply

Agreed, May is a class act and its a mystery why Fergie never plays him.

WELL DONE McCLEERY

Hello Mr McCleery

We represent Manchester United PLC and would like to award you the sum of Ł250,000 for creating this wonderfully informative website. We would also take this opportunity to give you a lifelong season ticket, unlimited free flights from Belfast to Manchester and accomodation at the Manchester Hilton any time you like. You can stay with the Beckham's any time you like as David is eager to meet the great McCleery. We also invite you over to Old Trafford to meet the players and train with the team. If you are good enough Sir Alex may sign you up. Preferably we would like you to play in defence as we are short of decent players in that area. Once again keep up the good work and feel free to steal any pictures or material from the official website and Manchester united publications for your website.

Yours sincerely

Mr P Kenyon
Sir Matt Busby Way
Manchester

McCleery Reply

I very much welcome the kind offer and will indeed take avail of it, however I must insist the quarter of a million quid be donated to charity.

DON'T MENTION THE WAR ( GOAL )

Hello Herr McCleery's

I are not very happy withs your website, it no good, ya? You sees, me look at it for infromotion on my squader team, der Bayern Munich and me's gets angry at being your picture of the Ole Gunnar, balling the net past der goalmeister in zerflunger minute. Removes the offender image, ya dis good? Or me contaminate der reservoirs of shwunten major city in der Englander states with a ebola virus.

Yours sincerely

Gunthar Munchenglunchengladbach
Munich

McCleery Reply

Ho-ho, I'm certainly not drinking tap water this week with you crazy characters about.

GO FOX YOURSELF

Greetings to McCleery's Manchester united Zone

I can't understand why Manchester United don't buy more Leicester City players.We must make do with David Beckham when surely Steve Guppy is a much better crosser of the ball. Veron is nothing to Robbie Savage and Muzzy Izzet could take out Keano any day.

Yours sincerely
Mrs Deirdre Cheesemerchant
Jakarta
Indonesia

McCleery Reply

Agreed, you can never have to many Leicester players in your team and the sooner we shed our team of these treble winning turkeys for midlands super foxes, the better.

BRING IN LAWRO

Hello McCleery

Fergies successor? Theres only one man for the job, BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson. Sure, admittedly he has no idea about tactics, players and organisational skills or indeed any managerial experience whatsoever. However his hugely charismatic character and laugh-a-minute style would inspire any team to a sackful of trophies.

Yours sincerely,

Mr A Hansen
140 Rodentville Avenue
London

McCleery Reply

Are you out of your tiny brain? When Mark Lawrenson appears on Match of the Day you can almost hear the words "Twat" and "Squeaky Tosser" drifting through the air as millions of viewers shout at their televisions.

SOIL MYSTERY

Hello McCleery

I wonder if you could help me solve a rather strange mystery that has been bothering me.I awoke in my underwear last Sunday morning in the middle of Norwich town centre, having soiled myself heavily and my wallet empty of the £100 I had the night before. A curious yellow crust was apparent in my hair and my mouth tasted like someone had emptied the contents of a budgies cage into it.Could you,wise McCleery, shed further light on this strange occurance?

Yours sincerely
Rt Hon Sir Jeffrey Todger-Smyth MP
Westminster
London

McCleery Reply

Very baffling and sinister, macabre even. Perhaps it was alien abduction and they took you up to their mothercraft and inserted a tracking device in your arse.You'll need (or get a friend) to check your bowls for a silver probelike object and if so dispose of the object.